CHAPTER 9
Helen sat in numb silence as her admitting physician tried one more time to convince her to stay in the hospital another day for observation. He gave up as the morning news program recapped last night’s tragic loss.
“It wasn’t your fault,” he told her. “You’re lucky you’re alive.”
Not feeling very lucky, Helen simply nodded. The doctor rested a sympathetic hand on her shoulder before walking out. There was no use trying to explain how she felt. No one understood. She’d let Hannah down. She’d let Nikki and Jack down. How could she ever face them again? She should have died too. It would have been easier.
She thought to pray for forgiveness, but she couldn’t even bring herself to face God. Helen got dressed and turned the television off, unable to take anymore.
A soft knock on the door intruded on her peace. It was a nurse with a wheelchair. “Hi. My name is Kathy,” she said. “I’m here to escort you down to the lobby. Do you have someone to meet you there?”
Helen nodded, not bothering to explain. After gathering her things she slipped into the wheelchair. A half hour passed before she got everything with her insurance straightened out and was free of her escort. She was just about to sit down by the emergency room entrance to wait when an increase in activity heralded the arrival of the rescue helicopter.
Despite her trepidation, Helen stood and moved within sight of the commotion. Past a cacophony of news crews and medical personnel, she could see Nikki and Jack. They were walking on either side of a stretcher, smiling. Everywhere, cameras were filming or flashing.
Helen was so far back, she had no idea how Nikki saw her. Saying something to Jack, Nikki pushed through the crowd to embrace her mother.
“What’s going on?” Helen finally managed. “On the news last night they said Hannah didn’t make it.”
Nikki’s face glowed. “She didn’t. Hannah died.”
“Then what…”
Pulling her mother through the crowd, Nikki simply declared, “Come and see.”
“Hi Grandma,” Hannah said, hugging her as soon as Helen got close enough. Doctors and nurses were trying to convince Hannah to lie back, but it wasn’t doing any good. “I know I wasn’t s’pose to leave the car, but I couldn’t wake you up. I tried to follow the creek back to the ’vention center to get help.” She paused. “But I couldn’t find it.”
“That’s okay, Sweetie,” Helen said, looking to Nikki and Jack in question. “Your mommy and daddy found you.”
“God found me too. He showed me all kinds of neat things. Then Mr. Jess brought Mommy to get me,” Hannah threw in while the attendants tried moving forward again. “Mommy said after we leave here we get to go to church and learn all about Mr. Jess. Wanna come?”
Helen never got a chance to answer before the stretcher was wheeled into the emergency area. She sat down, stunned. Helen watched replays of what she’d just witnessed on all the news services with one slant or another attributed to Hannah’s words. As she watched, she decided maybe there had been good cause for Jess to sound so sure of himself on their walk Friday afternoon.
* * *
As Nikki entered the beautiful little church memories flooded in on her. It was unbelievable that she should be here like this, with her mother and Jack, and especially with Hannah. The entire morning had been surreal. And she couldn’t prove any of it beyond a scientific doubt.
Dr. Wittenberg was ecstatic but confused, certain she’d missed some sign of life last night. All the doctors in the hospital agreed with her assessment that Hannah obviously had vital signs that didn’t register due to apparently faulty equipment. Nikki told them what happened, but they didn’t believe her. She was simply distraught, of course. The only one who would listen was Tom. He and his wife Tina, the waitress, escorted them here to Mass. On the way, Nikki assured Tina that her mother’s risky surgery would turn out just fine. Nikki had that on good authority.
After Mass, Jack took Hannah on a tour of the church, explaining the pictures and statues. “Is that Mr. Jess on the cross?” Hannah asked with distress.
“His name was Jesus,” Nikki answered from behind them. “But yes, that’s Mr. Jess.”
“Did they kill him?” Tears pooled on Hannah’s long thick lashes.
Jack answered this one. “Yes, Hannah. They did. But he came back to life. And he brought you back to life too.”
By the time they returned to the West Vail resort, the final session of lectures was about to begin. Nikki wasn’t sure what to tell Janet Tremain. Janet had been thrilled with Nikki’s Friday lecture. How much Janet knew about the events of the last few hours remained to be seen, but she wasn’t likely to appreciate the lecture content Nikki had planned for today.
“Why Nikita!” Janet exclaimed when she saw her enter the lecture hall. “I can’t believe you made it. I heard last night your daughter was missing.” Looking at an apparently healthy Hannah, Janet jumped at the chance to get her star speaker back. “I’m so glad you found her. We lost electricity yesterday and have had to work on emergency generators. I’ve hardly had a chance to think.”
“How soon do you need me?”
Janet double checked her program. “Since we didn’t think you and your ex-husband would be able to attend the lecture today, we amended the schedule. Dr. Richard Coolidge was to be the last speaker for the day. I’m sure we could squeeze Jack in after Dr. Coolidge then I’d be glad to have you speak at the end to wrap up the myths and present the truth.”
Nikki smiled at the appropriateness of her statement. “Not a problem. It’ll be an honor.”
Helen gave Nikki a gentle hug filled with pride. “Good luck,” she said with a twinkle in her eye.
“I’ll need it,” remarked Nikki. “I’m not sure I’m ready for this. You might have to come save me from my colleagues when I walk off the stage.”
“Don’t worry,” her mother commented. “I think someone with a little more clout is watching over you.”
The thought made Nikki’s heart surge with warmth long missing from her life. She scanned the audience just in case. Not that she really expected to see Jess again, but… Then she felt his presence, God’s presence, as tangible as a physical touch. Trust the spirit within. The words Jess spoke came back to her as if newly planted in her mind.
She closed her eyes and smiled. “Thank you,” she whispered back.
Nikki stepped on stage just behind Jack. They took their seats at the table set up for the session’s speakers.
Dr. Coolidge rose to the podium when Janet introduced him. He was a little beyond middle age, with grey-tinged hair a bit longer than the standard Harvard cut. He was a professor there, an expert in evolutionary psychology. Most of his books lately had been more sensationalistic than scientific in Nikki’s opinion, but she’d quoted him from time to time just because of his notoriety.
“You know the first thing he’s going to do is attack intelligent design in order to discredit you before you even speak,” Nikki whispered to Jack.
Jack nodded. “I know.”
Strutting to the podium, Dr. Coolidge smiled out at the audience with certain knowledge that the consensus of their opinions were in his favor.
“‘The aim of science’,” he quoted, “‘is not to open the door to infinite wisdom but to set some limit on infinite error.’ That bit of wisdom comes from Bertolt Brecht’s play, Life of Galileo.”
Coolidge rested his hands on either side of the podium. “It is that infinite error I have dedicated my life to eradicate. Science shows us unequivocally that there was no necessity for a mythical deity in the beginning of the universe, for the beginning of life or human development, or for the intrinsic values we place on altruism.
“I’m certain, my colleague, Dr. Meyers, will try to convince you that there is indeed some obscure role for God,” Richard continued. “In describing a view of intelligent design that allows for a deity who creates all matter and laws of physics, he will claim that this supernatural being then proceeds to work subtly through those laws to prop the world up just so in order to form human beings billions of years down the line. Now, these intrusions are so subtle as to be virtually undetectable by evolutionists who mistakenly ascertain that the apparently random forces at work in evolution are actually, well, random. Or better yet, there’s the theory that God just ‘knows’ at the beginning of time exactly how it will all turn out. All he has to do is sit around and wait for those billions of years and ‘not really random forces’ to take place so he can try to convince humans that he exists.” Dr. Coolidge looked pointedly at the audience. “My question is, why would God bother to show himself at all after expending so much effort to remain hidden within the laws of nature?
“The idea of scientists working against scientific principles to expatiate their own agendas is appalling to me,” he stated adamantly. “Darwin himself argued that if we admit God into the process of natural selection, then God would ensure that only the right variations occurred ‘and natural selection would be superfluous.’ Just because science hasn’t filled in all the answers to how the universe was formed and how the great diversity of life we enjoy here on earth came to be, doesn’t mean that we need resort to miracles and imaginary deities to answer difficult questions. It simply means we haven’t found the answers yet.
“To even give the idea of intelligent design the time of day disgusts me. We as a scientific community must eliminate pseudoscience in all its capacities. To allow children to be taught blatant religious untruths as dogma is irrational and abusive. We as a scientific community need to lead by example. If we can demonstrate rationality we can help to alleviate the ignorance of the common population. Typical Americans with limited advanced education are more than ready to accept the most ridiculous religious nonsense and try to rationalize it into a complimentary position with the modern scientific world.
“Much of this attitude comes from a fear of the unknown, a fear of death. Fear is never a practical substitute for reason. As Astronomer Carolyn Porco once pointed out, ‘We know exactly what it is like to be dead. It is the same state of existence we were in before we were born.’”
The screen behind Dr. Coolidge brightened with a soothing image of a dreamlike heavenly city in the clouds right down to streets paved in gold. “To the ignorant,” he continued, “God means immortality, a reason not to fear death. The attraction is in the emotional dividend. But this emotion can easily transmit itself into mayhem in the forms of religious fragmentation and violence, not to mention the irrational restrictions religious fanatics place on scientific research.”
Scenes of violence crept across the huge screen, religious wars and acts of terrorism, the worst of man’s accomplishments in the name of God. Nikki felt sick as she remembered Jess’ words about God not condoning violence carried out in His name.
Coolidge brought up a diagram of the human brain. “So often I’ve heard comments about God being the basis or cause of man’s most noble virtues. I say to you, every emotion you have can or will be mapped out in your brain down to the very neuron. And science can show that human altruism can be explained through evolution using a dispassionate analysis of facts.” The professor went on to describe his latest work on “proving” the compatibility of the selfish gene we inherited by Darwinian Theory and the selfless virtues humans tend to admire today.
Nikki listened as he described how small family groups of the past coupled with the inherent desire to protect those who share our genes have set us up over the course of existence to expand that altruistic behavior to include unrelated humans on the other side of the world. Reciprocating with the hope of getting something in return also factored in to his theory of why natural selection would lead to the same human virtues less scientific minds often attribute to God.
“Keep in mind,” Dr. Coolidge said in conclusion, “that humans are now, as a species, dominant enough to afford to be altruistic. Other than uncontrollable cosmic events, we are no longer concerned with extinction from sources outside our own causation. This is why it is so important to realize that religion is nothing more than an excuse to act irrationally.
“I for one am tired of the brainwashing that coerces the scientific community into bestowing respect upon religion. Faith is not a virtue. It is irrational belief without proof. The bible is not God’s guide to life. It is a rather unentertaining work of fiction with an occasional historical reference. Jesus was not the son of God. He was a charismatic carpenter killed for political reasons. I’ll leave his sanity status for you to decide.” Richard allowed a pause for a bit of anxious laughter. His attack was harsh even for this crowd. “As for Jesus’ claim to miracles and resurrection, that is just so much supernatural rubbish. It’s about time we say it like it is. Maybe that will get the peoples’ attention.”
It certainly got Jack’s attention. He hardly knew where to start after that proclamation, which was undoubtedly the good doctor’s intent.
When Dr. Coolidge stepped from the podium, he offered Jack the portable microphone and a challenging smirk. Any dry talk of the cosmos and the option of intelligent forethought in its design would be met with yawns now. Jack had to change his tactics. But that shouldn’t be too difficult. Before, he argued in principle, in faith. Today he had no doubts. His knowledge of the awesome expanse of wisdom which created the physical world was absolute.
Jack walked to the podium, standing silent as his list of accomplishments was read to a rather disinterested crowd. After Janet finished introducing him, Jack activated his series of slides. He allowed them to appear and fade one by one, some of the most magnificent photos ever taken of the universe. Planets, galaxies, globular clusters, and nebulae graced the screen, but Jack remained silent. Finally the last scene remained: a view of the Hubble Ultra Deep Field. The photo was dotted with thousands of galaxies over 13 billion light-years away.
Finally, Jack spoke. “Jules Vern once noted that ‘reality provides us with facts so romantic that imagination itself could add nothing to them.’” Jack paused to look at the incredible view behind him. He turned then and brought his attention back to the audience. “What if God is not mere imagination?” Jack could feel Nikki’s eyes on him as discontented murmurs echoed through the hall.
“What good can come of scientists degrading the rest of the population for their religious beliefs? Science needs to remain neutral on extra-scientific aspects of culture. These aspects are carriers of people’s deepest and most cherished values. To ridicule those whose beliefs may or may not be true would be the same as scientists being ridiculed for hypotheses that may or may not be true. Not all aspects of science can be subjected to the same rigorous standards of factual accuracy. It is bad policy to alienate those who look to us for advances in scientific knowledge. It may be easy for those with advanced scientific degrees to make fun of ordinary people, but wouldn’t it be better for the future of science to help advance interest, enthusiasm, and gratitude toward the sciences? Dr. Coolidge assumes ignorance coincides with a belief in God. What if he is the ignorant one? What if he is wrong?”
Jack took in the faces before him, smug in their disapproval. “Cambridge physicist Brandon Carter observed that ‘all the seemingly arbitrary and unrelated constants in physics have one strange thing in common – these are precisely the values you need if you want to have a universe capable of producing life.’ This phenomenon could be caused,” granted Jack, “by random chance if our universe is but one of trillions. But this still doesn’t answer where the energy and matter for all these universes came from in the first place. What if our universal constants, from gravitational and nuclear forces to the energy density of empty space, were fine-tuned for life to this unfathomable accuracy because it truly was meant to be that way?”
Jack had a slide showing the inconceivably precise numbers involved. The original phase-space volume alone required fine-tuning to an accuracy of one part in ten billion to the 123rd power, a number too large to even write. But he didn’t show the slide. The fact that this constant was just one of at least six equally precise numbers that represented the forces that shape the universe and make it habitable didn’t matter. His audience had seen it all before. There was always some excuse or opposing theory.
“One of the most important aspects of science is never to stop asking questions,” Jack stated, letting his previous subject drop for the moment. “Hypotheses abound in origins science since it involves trying to explain something that happened eons ago that is inherently limited in both reproducibility and testability. If the ‘Big Bang’ explains the universe, what was its cause? What was the source of the initial energy that created matter and time in the first place? Can matter be eternal? Might there be multiple universes or dimensions? Who knows what answers science may be able to provide in the future with an open mind?
“Explanations that seek to prove the origins of the universe are rife with limitations due to the difficulty in experimental validation. Since any one hypothesis is not likely to be completely proven, we must all remain open to alternatives,” Jack stressed. “It is important to remember that insufficient evidence for something does not prove that it is not or cannot be true.
“It has been the assumption of many scientists that any hypothesis including God or the intelligent design of the universe is unscientific and therefore untrue. Many unproven hypotheses have been accepted as plausible scientific truths that have no more merit than those including the element of design. Yet intelligent design has been touted as pseudoscience. What I propose is that any improvable hypothesis is pseudoscience and should be taught as conjecture only.
“Materialism becomes a dogma or rule when it requires all scientific explanations of origins to be premised on a non-refutable assumption that there is no God.” There was an uncomfortable pause as the sentiments of his fellow scientists became negatively palpable. “What if the spirit of atheism currently plaguing the scientific community is false?
“If science is truly objective, shouldn’t we let it stay that way? Let’s admit we don’t know all the answers of creation. Let’s learn whatever we can learn, discover everything there is to discover about this incredible, unlikely, unimaginable place we live. And if we find that science leads us to an incredible, unlikely, unimaginable Creator, let Him find us open to that possibility as well.”
Jack walked away from the podium to motion toward the expanse of galaxies still projected on the wall behind him. “If you were given, today, indisputable proof that one God, one super intelligent mind, made all this – and against all odds, really does know each of us by name, would you accept that proof? Or would you demand that the detachment of science requires disbelief in anything more than what we can see and touch and measure? Is it a belief in God that closes the door to science? Or a dogmatic view of science that now closes the door to God?”
As Nikki watched Jack retake his seat next to her, there was a tangible censure evident in the hall. She’d never felt such trepidation to tell the truth. She offered Jack a conciliatory smile and stood. Attaching the portable microphone, she didn’t bother moving to the podium. She signaled for Jack’s Deep Field image to remain.
She stared at the image in honest awe for a moment before addressing the attendees with a smile. “Wish I had some indisputable proof for you.” The tenseness of the room gave in to comic relief. When the laughter subsided, Nikki turned her smile on Jack. “I’m sure my husband, Jack, does too.”
The fact that Nikki spoke of Jack as her husband, not her ex, was lost on most of the audience, but not on him.
“Jack does have a point about the highly educated being a rather pretentious lot.” She shrugged. “Hey, it’s hard not being a ‘know-it-all’ when you do know it all – well almost all anyway.” Another snicker rippled through the room. Nikki smiled too. “But in all honesty, scientists are usually the first ones to admit to the old adage ‘the more I know, the more I know I don’t know’. Yet it’s easy to let what we perceive as blatant ignorance get to us. When what we do and what we’re allowed to do is affected by religious dogma, we can too easily get defensive and form what some see as scientific dogmas. In most areas of scientific research, proof through testing and experimentation permits us to be assured of our accuracy. I, for one, am suspect of anything that cannot be scientifically confirmed to a reasonable degree.
“Regardless of how intrinsically certain some people are in their religious beliefs, it is unlikely we will ever be able to scientifically prove the existence of God.” Nikki noticed Janet seemed as pleased with that acknowledgement as the majority of nodding faces before them. “Personal experiences will ever be interpreted in varying ways by the human mind. This wonderful variation among us will likely guarantee a diversity of beliefs for the foreseeable future. We, as scientists, owe it to all the great discoveries and achievements science has advanced over the course of history to continue that pursuit of knowledge and exploration in a truly objective fashion.”
Nikki paused. She walked on to the podium, resting one arm on it in a relaxed posture. “I have a little story to tell of my own personal experiences this weekend.” Nikki glanced back once more at the cacophony of celestial objects on the screen behind her. “Amazing, isn’t it? I met a man here who was actually able to tell me more about the cosmos than Jack.” Jack grinned as she offered him an apologetic shrug. “That’s not easy to do, mind you, so I was a little bit impressed – and skeptical. This man, who introduced himself as Jess Carpenter, was vague when answering personal questions, but he was charismatic, extremely knowledgeable, and just plain enjoyable to be around. So I decided to suspend my natural prejudices when a lively debate about the God hypothesis finally revealed his absolute acceptance of the divine.
“When he appeared to know personal things about me that no stranger should be privy to, I was a little concerned. But since he didn’t seem to be the stalker type and my daughter, Hannah, took to him right away, we joined him yesterday morning for a nature hike.” Nikki walked forward and used gestures to illustrate as she told of their amazing adventure with Jess.
“I realize some people have remarkable rapport with other living things, but wild animals approaching and performing at the man’s command?” she questioned doubtfully. “At that point I was pretty sure I was being duped. What bothered me most was that I was only ‘pretty sure’. There was some part of me that doubted everything I knew. That part of me actually wanted to believe that this man with round jagged scars on his wrists and unbelievable abilities was real.”
Nikki held her hands up when displeased murmurs hummed through the audience. “Don’t worry; I held tight to my skepticism even when, for all appearances, the man touched a stranded skier’s obviously broken tibia and healed it right before my eyes. I knew then someone was working very hard at manipulating me. All I had to do was find out how and why. He teased me about my cynicism even as he attempted to play down every amazing thing he did.
“In the end, my concerns were pre-empted by the approaching winter storm,” Nikki continued. “Many of you may have heard about my daughter and mother getting stranded in yesterday’s blizzard. I won’t go into all the details, but suffice it to say that by the time Jack and I found Hannah, her core temperatures were dangerously low. Even after following proper re-warming protocols, including continuous heart compressions and cardiac defibrillation techniques performed by an emergency physician, Hannah’s heart failed to respond. Once her core temperature reached normal parameters with no response, resuscitation efforts were discontinued. Our daughter was dead.” This brought on disheartened murmurs from the audience and a very confused double take from Janet between Nikki and the child in question, who was waiting off stage with her grandmother.
“Hours later, lying next to my daughter’s cold, stiff body in an old cabin Jess had pointed out to us after we found Hannah, I woke feeling dead inside. I was desperate to believe Hannah’s inexhaustible spirit still existed somewhere despite the impossibility of it. Jess had assured me Hannah was with God, so I went out into the blizzard in search of answers. I tried praying, but nothing happened. I waited, but only got cold. Just as I was about to leave, Jess came and the storm let up. This morning at the hospital I learned that satellite and radar images show the storm raging all around our little clearing in the woods. But our talk was uninterrupted.
“I can’t explain to you what he allowed me to experience.” Nikki smiled with an inner peace Jack had never before witnessed in her. “And I certainly can’t offer you more than circumstantial evidence, but there is more out there than science can ever hope to explain. Even as I felt myself freed from mere physical existence, my scientific training suggested I was probably just passing out from the cold, hallucinating. But I felt my daughter’s presence, and I felt the presence of something much greater, much grander than I could ever describe to you.
“Letting my daughter go again was the most difficult thing you could imagine, but I knew I couldn’t stay. Regaining my physical awareness was stifling, the piercing cold overwhelming. I felt Jess’ hands still on mine and his comforting warmth moved through me. There were so many questions I wanted to pose, but all I could think of was Hannah. When I asked if she’d be okay, Jess said Hannah had never been happier, but suggested there was much she could still do here. ‘Ask, and believe,’ he told me.” Motioning to the floor, Nikki admitted, “I didn’t just ask, I fell to my knees and begged. I pleaded for my little girl’s life back. He pulled me up with him, chuckling at my exuberance. ‘Go,’ he said, ‘she’ll be looking for you.’
“For just a moment, as the sun rose, I saw him in all his glory. Then he was simply gone. Nothing appeared to have changed as I ran back into the cabin. I went to Hannah’s side where Jack still lay beside her motionless form.” Nikki grinned back at Jack. “He thought I’d really lost it when I started telling our dead daughter it was time to get up. Then he noticed the chest his hand rested on was not stiff with rigor mortis anymore, but warm and breathing.
“As a biologist,” she maintained, “I can certainly recognize a deceased body. Our daughter was dead, and now,” Nikki made a beckoning gesture toward the side of the stage, “she is alive.” Amid a hum of incredulity, Hannah walked out shyly and jumped into her mother’s arms. “Can her death be explained away? Some will try. Can the implausible radar images be justified? They will likely be classified as a natural phenomenon. What about the multiple cancerous tumors that had racked Hannah’s body which no medical tests can now find a trace of? I’m sure someone will rationalize her sudden cure.
“I do wish I had some indisputable proof for you,” asserted Nikki. “All I can tell you is this man was more than a man. He commanded creatures of the wild and they listened. He touched a broken bone and it healed. He willed a snowy tempest to subside and it responded. He cured our daughter and raised her from the dead.
“Believe what you will. As for me, I will continue to dedicate my life to the advancements of science. But never again will I doubt the existence of God.” |
